Saturday, August 8, 2009

wish you were here (I am)


If only the image above really did reflect my feelings or rather my state of mind. Im sitting at my desk in my office as I have now for the past 2 weeks (sitting is a new experience for me. I will spare you the details but I fear you already know them) Im here in Miami, Key Biscayne actually, or as the locals call it 'The Key' (if only it was the key). Im sitting at my desk with my two best friends my apple computers. Quiet, Obedient mysterious and hard working. My trusted friends with there quiet hum of anticipation.I have a fantastic view from my window that would be the envy of a lot of people.I can see the tip of south beach with all its modern wedding cake buildings.I see coconut grove famous for so many many things, I cant think of one.I see the ocean with the gentle waves beckoning me to play with them (I cannot of course). I see herds of large cuban woman walking the beach clad in little bikinis (I admire there confidence) . Amazing pelicans so large and so agile swooping into the ocean like they are spitfires in the second world war over the English channel. Caught in an amazing dog fight (maybe that term was from the first world war), only they are not. I see flocks of herring in close formation showing off . Everything twinkles and winks at me like it knows something I don't. And of course it does. This is tropical splendor at its best. A best dress. A new car shiny and clean as its driven from the showroom for the first time. Im sitting at my desk for 14 hours a day doing what I love the most, Working. Working on my art, creating images. Making sense of this stupid occupation that has been thrown on me like a can of red paint (oil based paint, not the easily washable acrylic). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way. Im inspired. I love my new projects. I think maybe Im doing the best work I have ever dreamt up. What else would I say. I love my desk, I love my pieces of paper with silly sketches for future projects.I love the glow of my friends as they await my wacom stylus touch. I love that I can sit again. I love my martini at 7 (6 if Im in an adventures mood).I love all the new projects that will be born and delivered by the amazing Studio Bordas' and his beautiful assistant. An amazing studio indeed but also a delivery room, full of doubts and fears but usually not. I love the fact that I don't work in a factory but actually I do.I love that nothing is there one minute and then the next a whole set of images are ready and available, poof! out of thin air or me or maybe thats the same. I love that I can sit now without feeling Im being burnt on glowing white coals. I love that she lives in my building even though I haven't seen her. I love that I have written another entry for my blog.Long overdue.I love that my mother is in a safe place.I love all this and should feel very grateful. What I don't love (anymore) is Miami. It feels like an old marriage.It feels like the left overs from a great party.It feels like 2 inches of champagne left in the bottle that has gone a little flat.It feels like yesterdays pizza.
Im sitting at my desk with my best friends and its time for lunch.Maybe I sound ungrateful (Im not) Maybe I should look out of my window at the view of Miami in all its glory......I wont.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Really no comment required, but so glad you found your mother (the art) a home. I am glad you filmed it.
Good news embedded throughout the blog...of course you will tell all later. The heavy blanket of humid hopes and dreams...Miami.

Enjoy your lunch...and glad you can sit again.

M

Anonymous said...

I love that you share your soul with the masses. I love the combination of contentment, loathing, longing and anticipation of this blog. It is you. Your thoughts and feelings make me miss Miami and also make me remember why I left it. You inspire me every single day....xox~N

PHILIP BROOKER said...

I love that all my friends here are called M or N ..I know who you all are even if you didn't leave your letter.........xx

Anonymous said...

I am going to laugh Philip...
I am going to change my letters.

SK

Anonymous said...

E-I-E-I-O (heh heh)

Anonymous said...

(laughing)...time for a martini...good one N...
Old MacDonald is rolling in his grave.

M

K said...

I am usually frustrated with my new projects--as they are thrown at us at the last minute. And rather casually to boot. I think maybe my department is doing the best work we have ever done. I loathe my wood veneered desk and my little cubicle office. I notice the pieces of paper placed randomly on my desk every day--and do nothing with them--either too busy to do something or afraid if I file them I will forget them. I love the crispness of my monitor--it's like looking at candy. I hate sitting--I want to always be moving. I love my mojitos--when I venture out to find one. I hate the fact that I don't work in a factory but actually I do. I love the fodder technology provides. I love that Philip can sit now without feeling burnt on glowing white coals. I love that I have written another response in his blog. Long overdue. I love that I dreamt of my mother once--at the sink doing dishes, and she told me she was in a good place. What I don't love (anymore) is reading about the staleness of Miami. If one wants to feel the emptiness of an old marriage, one should live in DC. It feels like the left overs from a hospital cafeteria buffet. Like the beer used as an ashtray inadvertently sipped.
Im sitting at my desk looking out of my window at the view of the grey office building directly across the street.

Sounds to me like it's time for you to pull up stakes.

PHILIP BROOKER said...

I loved your story K...if only I could write like you.....

Kim said...

Perfect response!

Anonymous said...

why is the grass always greener? - people would kill for that view that you so elegantly described. You are grateful it seems yet the longing to be somewhere else continues- I believe its that Capicorn energy of climbing mountains again - scale one, get to the top, enjoy the view and see yet another mountain to climb...hmmm the journey is what matters and yours is most interesting... Be glad you can sit again and muse and ramble - most cant as they are stuck doing things that they MUST do and not have this exquisite luxury of just paying attention-Please take a breath or two and keep on writing as I have so enjoyed this blog - most revealing one to date...

Kim said...

And that was perfect too!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, there is worse than DC,(even if the metaphor of the beer used as an ashtray is difficult to beat. The only worst image I can recall is the Hitchcock heroïn, Tippi Heddren? stubbing a cigarette out right in the yoke of a sunny side up egg she didn't eat. Truffaut said it was because all his life Hitchcock battled his buldge)
Where was I?
I recently spent a week in Austin, 109°F, AC round the clock, the heat like a punch in the face, nothing but highways, malls and AC, huge churches with little graveyards to rest the souls of aborted foetuses, demonstrations against Obama health plan, the ugliest architecture of the world, shop till you drop, so vain...Miami seemed so sweet from a distance...
But I can tell you Paris in August still works magic, with no traffic jam, plenty of free parking space, restaurants full of Japanese (and in spite of its filthy
pavements...)
In french we say "spit in the soup", this is human nature I guess...

PHILIP BROOKER said...

you all write better than me...thank god Im not a writer.............and thank you all for you wonderful comments.I get the feeling Im not alone x

Anonymous said...

In-between...that is how this sounds. What was is no more. What will be is yet to be fully discovered. In-between these two makes a person feel uncomfortable, like wearing an itchy wool sweater on a day that starts off cool but turns too warm for the sweater. You need to get it off, but you cannot. You have to go through, not around. You have to suffer a bit to keep going towards that place of fullness.

It is never about the place. Miami is Miami. Some might project their own inner angst on the city, but really it is about endings and beginnings. The Miami Chapter draws to a close, but a messy one. One filled with familiarity and contempt. The feel of driving down Crandon. The contempt of being out of place. The cadence is the same, but you are all out of step.

You are all "in-between." I find it to be one of the most productive and creative places to find myself. That itchy sweater does wonders to one's clarity. XXX

PHILIP BROOKER said...

It really is about taking 20 steps anywhere in Miami..I feel I know the story, like reading the same book over and over again (nothing wrong with that) I want to take 20 steps and learn and be inspired (as if I need more projects)...Maybe I should take one step at a time...I really liked your comments xxx